In Buddhist meditation, we try to develop wisdom, learn to observe our own mind, decrease negative mind states and develop positive mind states. To develop wisdom and insight, we need a calm, clear and concentrated mind. To observe our own mind, we need to develop a kind of inner "spy" - a part of our attention that checks our state of mind. To decrease negative mind states we need to understand where they come from and transform them into positive energy with the wisdom developed from observing our own mind. To develop positive mind states, we need to focus away from selfishness and again develop wisdom by observing our own mind.
As you may realise from the above, we should actually become our own psychologist, or like the title of a booklet by Lama Yeshe: "Becoming Your Own Therapist".
In order to find the right state of mind for meditation, we need concentration instead of being scattered, and clarity of mind instead of dullness. We need to observe our own thoughts and mind states instead of getting lost in emotions or becoming prejudiced. We need to be honest towards ourselves instead of fooling ourselves and walk away from unpleasant problems. Furthermore, we need to be patient (one does not become a meditation master over night), generate self-acceptance, confidence and enthusiasm to make the mind peaceful.
All these factors need to be in balance: we need to be somewhat relaxed as well as concentrated, we need to avoid both sleepiness and excitement.
A quote from the late Lama Yeshe:
"Many meditators emphasise too much on concentration: if you are squeezing, then there is no control of anger if someone disturbs you. The beauty of real meditation is, that even if you are disturbed, you can allow space and time for this."
Another misunderstanding about meditation is that we should stop thinking. I assume this comes from the emphasis in many Zen schools to "stop thinking" - which I understand to mean that one cannot realise or experience emptiness when being only caught up in conceptual thoughts about it. That would be similar to trying to experience a beautiful sunset while discussing with yourself, "Is it the colour of the clouds that make it beautiful, or is it the quietness; why does the sun turn red etc."
As Allan Wallace writes in Tibetan Buddhism from the Ground Up:
"The point of Buddhist meditation is not to stop thinking, for ... cultivation of insight clearly requires intelligent use of thought and discrimination. What needs to be stopped is conceptualisation that is compulsive, mechanical and unintelligent, that is, activity that is always fatiguing, usually pointless, and at times seriously harmful."
Or, as the late Ajahn Chah said:
"Try to be mindful, and let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. But you will be still. This is the happiness of the Buddha."
But can we change our mind just like that? His Holiness the Dalai Lama explains in 'An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life':
"Though not physical, our states of mind also come about by causes and conditions, much the way things in the physical world do. It is therefore important to develop familiarity with the mechanics of causation. The substantial cause of our present state of mind is the previous moment of mind. Thus, each moment of consciousness serves as the substantial cause of our subsequent awareness. The stimuli experienced by us, visual forms we enjoy or memories we a react to, are the cooperative conditions that give our state of mind its character. As with matter, by controlling the conditions, we affect the product: our mind. Meditation should be a skillful method of doing just this, applying particular conditions to our minds in order to bring about the desired effect, a more virtuous mind."
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